The 2008 Olympics in Manila

Just indulge me in this lunacy, dear readers. If the Olympics were held here in Manila, what would be some of the scenarios to greet the world as the Philippines showcases itself to the world? hmmmm....

caveat: fun lang po ito, wag pong ma-oofend ang mga Pinoys out there or the OIC for that matter...

1. opening ceremony features dancing prisoners all resplendent in their bright orange suits as they groove to "Thriller" and the Algorithm Song. Yung "P" daw stands for Philippines...

2. Regine Velasquez sings the national anthem, though some Filipino spectators notice something odd with her voice. A few days later, Boy Abunda reveals that the voice singing actually belonged to Frenchie...

3. Manila proudly unveils the stadium that shall house the Olympics. The new stadium was dubbed "The Crocodiles' Lair"...

4. Last minute head-scratching as the Olympic torch used to light the flame was apparently 'misplaced', thus the Olympic flame was lighted using a "Super Lolo" which a passerby happened to possess at that moment. Ang Pinoy nga naman...resourceful...

5. A few days later, a person was arrested after trying to sell the Olympic torch as scrap...

6. The construction of a grand installation art piece to be situated outside the Croc's Lair, showcasing the pride of the Filipino heritage, was ordered halted by the Supreme Court due to anomalies with its contract...

7. Opening Ceremony to be directed by Carlo J. Caparas and Donna Villa. The English translation of the working title: "The Philippines: There will be Blood" [Pilipinas: Aagos ang Dugo] subtitle: "Oh My God!" [Diyos Ko!]

8. During the opening ceremony, a mini-documentary was screened featuring the two most recognizable Philippine exports to the international scene: OFWs and movies featuring macho dancers...

6. The opening ceremony delayed for almost two hours by the late arrival of some VIPs, including the President. Their reason: traffic...

7. Fireworks display goes awry, setting a huge fire in a nearby overpopulated squatters area. Interestingly, the spectators thought the fire was part of the show, with international news agencies praising this part of the opening ceremony as "full of realism."

8. No seating space was given to ordinary Filipino spectators as majority of the seats were 'booked in advance' by all the leading politicians and socialites - accompanied by their relatives up to the fifth degree of affinity and consanguinity...

9. Manila becomes "Tarpaulin City" as all the "unsightly areas" were obscured from the direct line of sight of foreign visitors by billboards advertising Bench underwear, Lucida DS, Glutathione products, and dermatological services from Dr. Calayan...

10. Several new events were introduced in the Manila Olympics this year. The first is the "Balut Eating Competition". The OIC ruled that only non-Asians were to participate in this event, as this would make the event "funnier". As compensation to the Asian nations who protested the OIC's decision, two events were created solely for Asians - the "Elvis Presley Impersonation Competition" and "The Greatest Percentage of Western Blood In My Veins Without Looking Too Non-Asian" competition. The Philippines was expected to perform well in both events...