WTF? Weird Sex Questions...

WARNING: suggestive and explicit content featured...

Just stumbled on this site featuring the weirdest questions on sex which were posted on Yahoo Answers, believe it or not...

click here to read. I think I understand the meaning behind question #2 but I won't share it with you perverts. Ha!

BELATED EASTER POST

I Wanna Feel Dirty Tonight

Salamat kay Pebi at mapapanood ko ulit ang Irreversible starring the beautiful Monica Bellucci. Ewan ko ba kung bakit masochistic ako ngayon at gusto kong masilayan ulit ang mga di kanais-nais na aspeto ng ating pagkatao. hehehe

For those of you innocent souls out there, this film was notorious for being the most "walked out" film during its screening at Cannes. Wonder why they'd do that in the first ten minutes of the film...

well...it involves a fire extinguisher and some person's skull. You do the math...

WARNING! EXPLICIT AND VERY VIOLENT CONTENT! DO NOT VIEW THE VIDEO! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, NOOOOOOOOO!



If you've managed to survive that clip, congratulations! you have outlasted some of the more seasoned critics at Cannes.

The movie then features one of the longest rape scenes ever featured in a (non-porn) film. When I was watching this I was going:

Okay, here's the rape scene...

Monica Bellucci sure is comfortable having her boobs hanging out like that. Oh wait...that's not right...

Is that guy...Oh my God...he IS...Okay...

This rape scene is long...should we like, fade out here or cut to another scene, or maybe ANOTHER ANGLE?

*Ditch fidgets in his seat* Seriously, I would appreciate a cut at this point. Calling the director...

Oh...OH SH*T! PUTANGINA! Gago! Gago! Gago! Ba't mo ginawa yon?! Gago ka! Putang-ina!Linti! Yudiputa!


Ditch summarizes his feelings after the scene: I feel dirty ...and violated...I'm the lowest scum in the universe...I don't know if that's the intention of the Director but...putanginang director na yan...inom muna ako ng tubig...

I'll have to spare you the video since ako medyo hindi ko kinaya. And that's coming from me ha?

If you really want to watch this film, better be prepared to confront some really disturbing notions and themes. And, the film is not structured like normal films so it would be a bit disconcerting initially for those not used to weirdong style na films. And also..."Calmate" is Spanish for "(you) calm down" and "Mira!" is Spanish for "Look!". That'll come in handy in the scene with the transvestite prostitutes...

Now..Let's F*cking Dance!

kick ass remix of Christian Bale's Terminator tirade. Special appearance by the original Diva.

Cringe-Worthy

Warning! Explicit audio up ahead.



Christian Bale goes apesh*t on the set of Terminator: Salvation.

Masters of Horror

Halloween post po ito so beware -- disturbing content follows.

During my laptop hiatus I dug up my long-ignored VCD/DVD player and resurrected my viewing list. My list was a bit macabre since it includes the first season of Dexter. The serial killer of serial killers. The most unforgettable scene was the hotel room flooded with human blood. Yummy...

Next DVD on the list was Masters of Horror Season 1 -- an anthology of stand-alone movies directed by some of the most famed horror movie directors ever. grabe...

I only watched five episodes of the series since my DVD player conked out and started rejecting every disc I placed in it. Nasiraan yata ng bait sa mga pingasasasaksak ko sa kanya. hehehe

Here's a brief description of the five episodes I watched. May konting review pa yan ha...disturbing content po mga kids...

Incident On and Off a Mountain Road -



para siyang slasher flick. complete with damsel in distress and lots of takbuhan and habulan.

In a dark forest.

at night.

and I should add that our damsel in distress progressively sheds a bit of clothing as the episode wears on. hmmm...

the flashbacks regarding the protagonist's actions a few hours before the 'incident' was a nice touch. here we get to see her meeting the man of her dreams, falling in love, boinking like crazy inside a cabin in the torrential rain, and getting tips on survival from her hubby (who was the BF a few seconds earlier in the flashback, basta) who happened to be a survival freak.

So that's why damsel in distress becomes female version of MacGyver?...hmmmm...

The husband-survivalist was nowhere to be seen during the course of the events in the dark forest. The antagonist was a deformed, semi-retarded hulk of a creature. This element in the story was a bit of a stretch for me, as when the creature first made its appearance i went, "now wait a f*cking minute.."

anyway, this is horror, so whatevs...

Fave scene: the eye drilling. Complete with sirens pa yan ha? Yaaaaagh!

The twist in the end was good, though a bit contrived...but still good. The eye drilling made up for the flaws in the film. wahehehehehe

Dreams in the Witch-House This one was based on a story by the classic horror writer H.P. Lovecraft. If it's Lovecraft, it must be good. If it's Lovecraft, there should be a rat...



A rat with a human face...

Grad student takes residence in a room that becomes a portal to his worse nightmares. Beginning to lose his grip on reality, he slowly succumbs to the wiles of the witch who crosses the borders between time and space to make him an instrument to an unspeakable sacrifice.

Long story short. naked woman morphs into an old lady. man keeps banging his head on a table while chanting in Latin. Grad student gets progressively neurotic. rat-with-human-face gnaws a baby to death. Grad student gets gnawed to death by rat-with-human face.

Fave scene: Grad student writhes in agony as rat gnaws his insides. Rat emerges from his belly. Blood. Blood. Blood.

Dance of the Dead. From the opening credits I had high hopes for this movie. Robert Englund, a.k.a. Freddy Kruger of Nightmare on Elm Street stars. With music by - ehem - Billy Corgan! Wohoooooo!



Pero olats yung movie. There was NOTHING horrific about this one. The dead becoming reanimated and subjected to a weird dancing ritual wherein they are poked with electric rods wasn't horror-inspiring for me. It was weirdly comic to say the least. The mother-daughter, post-apocalyptic backstory wasn't a bit interesting, as I fast-forwarded through the most part of the film. I was looking for a BC cameo, but...wait! was that him singing in the bar?

Fave scene? wala. runner-up yung scene where guests in a birthday party become exposed to a chemical which makes their skin rot. The dancing dead scenes were a bit pathetic. Mas weird yung scene where a zombie was giving Robert Englund's character a blowjob. haha

Jenifer. This one so far takes the cake of all the episodes I've seen.



What are the ingredients of a good horror film?

Grossly deformed female protagonist, of suspicious - uh - humanity? check.

A male character, preferably a figure of authority. preferably a cop...check.

Furious, animalistic, softporn grade sex. with breast exposure...check.

A cat, a little girl, a middle aged man and a teenage boy being eviscerated and their guts feasted upon by deformed female protagonist? check.

In the boy's case, buhay pa siya habang kinakain yung bituka nya. Yaaaaagh!

Chocolate.



Pwede ditong mag-star yung mga loveteams in the Pinoy movies. There is an undertone of romance in this movie that I found intriguing. There was not much horror elements to the story. and the only gory scene here was when the woman slit her lover's belly open with a knife, but even if the gory bits were toned down, this movie could still stand pretty much on solid footing on its premise that a man could fall in love with a woman even without meeting her.

I recommend listening to Bjork's I Miss You while viewing this film. Magkapareho ang premise ng movie at ang lyrics ng kanta ni Bjork hehe

A man starts to experience episodic blackouts in which he begins to live through the sense of a woman whom he had never met before. It started with a taste of chocolate, then the sound of classical music amidst a cacophonous rock performance. Then the man begins to see what the woman sees, feel what she feels.

Imagine a guy experiencing sex as a woman. Ika nga ng lalake after he snaps back to his reality -- "Jesus Christ!"

The wildlife expert from the TV series Eureka costars as the male protagonists co-worker, and frustrated rocker -- with a fake mohawk. hahaha

The episodes I'm looking forward to...

The Fair Haired Child. Beware the fair-haired child. woooooooooh...



Cigarette Burns. Snuff film stars an angel. movie drives men crazy. make them poke things, and cut off things...



Imprint. By the incomparable Takashi Miike! hindi ko pa napanood ito but knowing Takashi Miike, this is one hell of a movie...YAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!



Happy Halloween...

Somewhere in Vietnam, During the 1960s, a Lizard opened its mouth and said -- "F*ck You!"

Medyo surrealist ang title but I think this best captures the mood of Mark Baker's "Nam" - a collection of wartime stories of the Vietnam War Veterans.

This surely is an engrossing read, given na nasisingit ko ito sa aking readings - and mind you, I have a sh*tload of readings to go through for my term papers.hehe

The stories are brutally honest, giving us a glimpse into quite literally another world. One vet said that Vietnam during the war was "hell on earth." Baker described it as "a brutal Neverland, outside time and space, where little boys didn't have to grow up. They just grew old before their time."

The collected oral testimonies are a mix of the disturbing, explicit, violent, and surprisingly laugh-out-loud funny moments in the lives of the men and women who "endured the unendurable." (pasintabi kay Emperor Hirohito hehe)

Here's my pick of the funniest bits in the book, warning: explicit and/or disturbing content, but still funny though...

The day I flew in, we stayed up in the air watching the whole place get hit. I couldn't believe that was the place I was going. After the mortar attack, I got to my unit and asked to see the captain. They told me he was away from the main area of the camp....I walked out to meet him and take over command. He was dead with his head blown off and his dick in the air. He had been out there masturbating when the mortars hit and got his head blown right off. Stiff as a board with his cock in his hands. -- Granted, medyo morbid ang kwentong ito. pero kakatawa pa rin...blown off while getting off...how ironic...

They always call us men, Marines or troopers. Never boys. But during my first fire fight in Nam, I was giggling. We got pinned down by some VC [VietCong] with an automatic weapon. Our machine gunner opens up. The next thing I hear is, 'Oh boy, I got 'em. Man, did you see his fucking head fly off?' A kid'll do that. Nobody in the unit was over twenty-one.

You try to have fun with things. Ambush was fun. It's supposed to be professional, but it's not.

'Oh boy, here he comes. I got that one.'
'This one is mine.'
'Nah, I got this one. You got the last one.'
'Man, this one's for me. Get your own.'
'He's mine.'
'Is not.'
'Is too.'
'Is not.'

-- Mga bata...kelangang mag-share ha? Learn to take turns killing VCs OK?

This last one's the killer. And I think this story deserves to be told in full, thus:

At night it would scare me. I couldn't see anything. I would sneak out and set up trip flares every night. They would all go off and I would never see a God damn thing.

Then there were the lungfish. There was water all around us and these fish would swim up. Then when the tide would go out, the fish would get caught in puddles in front of my bunker. Lungfish have lungs and they sound like human beings breathing. You'd be laying there trying to sleep, hearing horror-show-monster breathing right in front of you.

One night while it was my turn to be awake, somebody, very clearly and distinctly and right in my ear, said, 'Fuck you.' I knew I was dead. I was grabbing my rifle like one of the Three Stooges in a comedy routine. The only thing I could see was this little lizard six inches long. There was a frozen moment when the lizard blew out its little gills and went, 'Fuck you,' again.

I was waking up the other guys. 'Hey, man, this lizard just told me to go get fucked.' The three of us -- relatively grown men, three old kids, at least -- had a standoff with an ounce-and-a-half lizard. Finally, the little sucker said 'fuck you' for them, too.

Face The Music...

I will be passing The Great Big Research Paper tomorrow.

The submission of my greatest work ever (pwe hahaha)will be done to the tune of this song...

Criminal by Fiona Apple (warning: suggestive content)



Ang daming phallic symbols sa video na ito! hahaha

I had planned to continue reading for my book review but got immersed in serious/semi-serious talk with Eli at McDo Philcoa. Aside from being bibliophiles, we also have other things in common - being valedictorians (Eli in high school, ako in elementary), Best in Science Awardees in High School, and having a passion for teaching.

Good luck to all my classmates na nagpupuyat ngayon for Kas 110. Kaya niyo yan hehe Mas dakila kayo kasi konti lang 'free time' nyo. Hindi tayo magpa-pass ng reaction paper kay Spiderman! Tanginang reaction paper na 'yan! hahahahahaha

Another One Bites the Dust

George Carlin: 1937 - 2008



I have seen some of the videos featuring his comedy routines and though I don't agree with some of his views, I admire him for standing up for what he believes in -- and entertaining us with his sharp, sardonic wit.

Rest in Peace, M*therf*cker.

A Word to the Wise...

Given the high incidence of teen pregnancy nowadays, I believe it is my duty to spread this vid across cyberspace...



English Translation (my personal attempt. warning! explicit lyrics!)

I can still remember when we were still together
A movie would be just fine for you
But since you've become a colegiala
You prefer drinking now
I wonder how you became friends
with such useless good-for-nothings?

You better listen to my advice
I know these people...

Don't you go with them
All they want to do is FUCK you
Don't you believe them
They only want to FUCK you

Don't think that they wouldn't notice
how skimpy that skirt you're wearing
You're SO cute but your face is full of make-up
A pack of cigarettes, a bottle of beer
are all it takes to make you tipsy

You better listen to my advice
I know these people...

Don't you go with them
All they want to do is FUCK you
Don't you believe them
They only want to FUCK you

And now you come calling
They have made you into a fool
Don't you worry
I'll kick their ass!

All they want to do is FUCK you

Don't you go with them
All they want to do is FUCK you
Don't you believe them
They only want to BONE you
Don't stay out 'til morning
They only want to FUCK you
Don't you let them
'coz they'll only FUCKING SCREW you

They'll just FUCK you...


Thanks to Pebi for alerting me to this vid...BTW Pebs, learn to love THE BITCH hehehe

Buena Suerte Pebi!

although late na ang post na ito at medyo hindi na aabot prior to the interview...

GOODLUCK SA INTERVIEW! Kaya mo yan! hahahaha astound them with your intellectual prowess and bravado! bwahahaha

kung hindi na kaya ng powers, eto isang "finishing move" courtesy of Sharon Stone...



Maybe they'll ask you about the prevailing problem of drug dependency in modern-day society -- or maybe the Gucci Gang -- so pati linya ni Sharon Stone applicable? hehehehe

WTF?!

Advisory: This post contains explicit material. Ba't puro explicit na yung mga posts ko ngayon?

I came across this list of the ten most annoying singers of all time...

http://new.music.yahoo.com/blogs/listoftheday/17793/the-ten-most-annoying-singers

guess who was number 3?




NOOOOOOOO! WHAT THE F*CK?!

The guy who wrote this article doesn't f******g know how to appreciate an artist such as billy corgan...

Who cares about your ideas? Who the hell are you to impose your own concept of who is or isn't a good singer?

And to call them annoying? How m*****f*****g arbitrary of you -- a*****e!

And to even place billy corgan on the THIRD spot? How dare you! Billy Corgan wouldn't give a rat's ass what you think of him. Thus I'll have to take the cudgels for him and whip your sorry ass! I'll stoop down to your m*****f*****g retarded level and murder your ass! I'll tear you apart and eat your f*****g heart you d******t! F*ck!

Billy Corgan is one of the greatest artists that ever lived! And any of you m*****f*****s disagree I'll have to f*****g shove my foot up your asses! I'll rip out your intestines and feed you to the f*****g sharks! F*ck you!