My Bankai. Bow

Got this idea from a discussion thread over at www.mangafox.com:

"If you had a zanpaktuo, what would be it's shikai and bankai?"

The various creative suggestions from the otakus inspired me to make up my own personal zanpaktuo. Actually, I already had an idea of what my fictional zanpaktuo would be (an unfortunate side-effect of watching too many Bleach episodes) but I just didn't put it into writing. But since it seems I am not the only one who dreamed of having a zanpaktuo, here goes...

My zanpaktuo's name is "Enigma". It looks like an ordinary katana in its unreleased form but it's shikai, which is released with the command "Confound the unwitting!" is a medieval broadsword - the blade is about 3 inches in width and is made of crystal. The blade acts as a mirror which traps the thoughts of those who see their reflection on it. Once my victim has beheld his reflection on the blade, he/she/it immediately goes into a stupor-like state.

My sword's attacks are psychic-based. The names of each attack are inspired by mythical puzzles.

First Puzzle: Gordias. I can strike my opponent with a psychic blast which is fatal for hollows and ordinary humans. Those who are of tougher mental constitutions suffer varied effects which range from being stunned to turning catatonic. Name taken from the king who inspired the Gordian Knot, a particularly hard knot to untie. Solved by Alexander the Great by cutting it in half with his sword.

Second Puzzle: Daedalus. Another ability of my shikai is limited mind control. Due to my ability to tune into my victim's thoughts, I can play with his senses and make him see and or experience whatever I want him to see or experience. This could be used to turn an opponent against his own allies. Named after the creator of the Labyrinth which housed the Minotaur. Theseus solved the puzzle with a little help from Ariadne and some string. Daedalus and Icarus escaped by means of fashioning wings made of feathers and wax.

Third Puzzle: Oedipus. Final ability of my zanpaktou is the ability to read minds. By pointing my blade at a person, I can immediately see glimpses of his past experiences reflected on the blade. This is useful for interrogation or intelligence gathering, as well as gauging the ability of an opponent prior to combat. In Greek mythology, Oedipus was the one who solved the riddle of the Sphinx devastating Thebes.

Talagang pinag-isipan no? hehehe

My Bankai, which is named "Infinite Puzzle, Mind's Labyrinth" is similar to Tousen's bankai. The blade of my shikai splinters off into countless pieces a la Zenbonsakura but it reconfigures itself as a crystalline sphere encasing myself and my intended victim. Within that sphere my opponent's thoughts are laid bare to me and I could create illusions to assail his psychic integrity. In short - I could literallly drive him insane within the sphere and kill him with his own thoughts. Sadista ako no? hehehe

My zanpaktou's limitation is that it's powers could only be used against a single opponent at a time. And since most of my abilities take a certain degree of concentration, it is possible to nullify my mind control by physically injuring me. Forcing me to move will not release a person from my control, it would just interrupt whatever attack I was employing.

In its released form, my sword also gives me added speed and is much sharper than its unreleased form so it is also a formidable fighting weapon. And given that I am of captain status, most of my battles could be settled without me having to use most of my abilities.

Sufficient back-up is needed for me employ my sword's full abilities. In its bankai form, however, I gain sufficient defense from outside attacks due to the durability of my crystalline sphere. However, those with immense spiritual energy may be able to break through my bankai. If such a scenario happens, my bankai's ability will backfire on me and render me catatonic for an extended period of time.

Of course I'll survive! Ano tayo, weak? hahaha

O siya, tama na ang daydreaming! Having nothing to do renders me prone to fantastical imaginings. Patayog-tayog na lang ni ah.

The 2008 Olympics in Manila

Just indulge me in this lunacy, dear readers. If the Olympics were held here in Manila, what would be some of the scenarios to greet the world as the Philippines showcases itself to the world? hmmmm....

caveat: fun lang po ito, wag pong ma-oofend ang mga Pinoys out there or the OIC for that matter...

1. opening ceremony features dancing prisoners all resplendent in their bright orange suits as they groove to "Thriller" and the Algorithm Song. Yung "P" daw stands for Philippines...

2. Regine Velasquez sings the national anthem, though some Filipino spectators notice something odd with her voice. A few days later, Boy Abunda reveals that the voice singing actually belonged to Frenchie...

3. Manila proudly unveils the stadium that shall house the Olympics. The new stadium was dubbed "The Crocodiles' Lair"...

4. Last minute head-scratching as the Olympic torch used to light the flame was apparently 'misplaced', thus the Olympic flame was lighted using a "Super Lolo" which a passerby happened to possess at that moment. Ang Pinoy nga naman...resourceful...

5. A few days later, a person was arrested after trying to sell the Olympic torch as scrap...

6. The construction of a grand installation art piece to be situated outside the Croc's Lair, showcasing the pride of the Filipino heritage, was ordered halted by the Supreme Court due to anomalies with its contract...

7. Opening Ceremony to be directed by Carlo J. Caparas and Donna Villa. The English translation of the working title: "The Philippines: There will be Blood" [Pilipinas: Aagos ang Dugo] subtitle: "Oh My God!" [Diyos Ko!]

8. During the opening ceremony, a mini-documentary was screened featuring the two most recognizable Philippine exports to the international scene: OFWs and movies featuring macho dancers...

6. The opening ceremony delayed for almost two hours by the late arrival of some VIPs, including the President. Their reason: traffic...

7. Fireworks display goes awry, setting a huge fire in a nearby overpopulated squatters area. Interestingly, the spectators thought the fire was part of the show, with international news agencies praising this part of the opening ceremony as "full of realism."

8. No seating space was given to ordinary Filipino spectators as majority of the seats were 'booked in advance' by all the leading politicians and socialites - accompanied by their relatives up to the fifth degree of affinity and consanguinity...

9. Manila becomes "Tarpaulin City" as all the "unsightly areas" were obscured from the direct line of sight of foreign visitors by billboards advertising Bench underwear, Lucida DS, Glutathione products, and dermatological services from Dr. Calayan...

10. Several new events were introduced in the Manila Olympics this year. The first is the "Balut Eating Competition". The OIC ruled that only non-Asians were to participate in this event, as this would make the event "funnier". As compensation to the Asian nations who protested the OIC's decision, two events were created solely for Asians - the "Elvis Presley Impersonation Competition" and "The Greatest Percentage of Western Blood In My Veins Without Looking Too Non-Asian" competition. The Philippines was expected to perform well in both events...

Olympics: the real and the imagined

I have not yet seen the Olympics on TV. But all the buzz about it is everywhere. Thus, it is unavoidable that I would be giving my reactions to some of the things I've heard about the "Games"...

ON THE "FAKE" MOMENTS DURING THE OPENING CEREMONY: Por Dios, por Santo! Hindi na kayo dapat mabigla na namemeke ang mga Intsik no! hahahahaha Seriously, the opening ceremony is all media blitz and entertainment, so a few tweaks here and there is understandable. Parang Hollywood yan na ang mga sineng pinapalabas puro na lang special effects wala namang nagrereklamo, yung mga artista sa photospread sagad na sagad sa Photoshop - pati ang maitim nagiging puti na, pati mga walang tono at walang karapatang kumanta sa publiko nakakagawa ng album - and it sells! hahahaha Though I am a bit troubled by the singer fiasco - its smacks of discrimination kasi. Di bale palang hindi maganda ang boses basta maganda ang mukha? tsk, tsk, tsk...ano ba yan?

ON'IMAGINED' OLYMPIC MOMENTS: got this inspiration from Lenard's blog post. Lenard opines that if there were a competition on grandstanding, Filipino politicians would take the gold. And I heartily agree with him. A scenario comes to mind...

IMAGINARY OLYMPICS SCENARIO:from the Imagination of Sonofaditch...

In the 2008 Beijing Olympics, a new event called "lie detector test" is introduced. This was the reason, apparently, for the presence of President Bush and Mini-Me since they are also participating as "athletes" for their respective nations.

Yung criteria in determining the winner is the one which ellicits the most reaction from the lie detector machine wins. As expected, Bush and Mini-Me advance to the finals.

The finals are held at the "Bird's Nest" and viewed by an estimated 200 million people worldwide. Bush is the first to be attached to the machine.

BUSH: "There were weapons of mass destruction in Iraq."

The machine sputters and emits smoke. Still not satisfied, Bush continued...

BUSH: "I think..."

Machine explodes, launches itself into the air and crashes into the spectators, killing twenty and injuring thirty.

Americans were cheering wildly, believing that they have won the gold.

Enter the athlete from the Philippines...

Mini-me nervously takes her place and is attached to the machine. Unsure of what to say, Mini-me decided to make a brief intro speech...

MINI-ME: "As the democratically elected President of the Philippines..."

All cameras monitoring the event go on a sudden blackout. Observers a few miles from Beijing were in total shock when they heard a massive explosion and saw a mushroom cloud over the area that housed the Bird's Nest, the Water Cube and 60% of the city.

Experts were of the opinion that due to Mini-Me's massive lie, a nuclear reaction was initiated within the lie detector machine, setting off the explosion that decimated the city.

Beijing lies devastated, countless lives were lost, the Olympics were postponed and the whole world mourns...

Pero at least panalo ang Pinas...

Confessional Blues

Ditch: Bless me Father for I have sinned. it has been nnnn since my last confession

Padre Salvi: Si hijo, tell me your sins...

Ditch: Father I made an oath that I cannot uphold

Padre Salvi: And what is that oath?

Ditch: Manonood po ako ng The Dark Knight this Sunday

Padre Salvi: at ano naman ang rason kung bakit hindi mo matutupad ang iyong panata?

Ditch: Lawig nga isturya Father matak-an ka lang...but if you want a one-word summary - ECONOMICS.

Padre Salvi: Sige, wala kaso. Here is your penance...

*Ditch awaits with bated breath the penance to be imposed*

Padre Salvi: Your penance will be to read 400 pages of Pearl Harbor as History, edited by Dorothy Borg and Shumpei Okamoto.

Ditch: QUE?! esta no hay derecho Padre! No tienes razon!

Padre Salvi: No, tengo razon. leed cuatro cientos pahinas del libro...

Ditch: Por que, Padre? POR QUEEEEEE?! huhuhu

Padre Salvi: Pramis pramis ka dasun indi mo man gale mahimo...gago ka pala eh...

Ditch: Ari na gani Father ginasuguran na basa...hay naku!