Sulpicio Lines

Sulpicio Lines announces a new fleet of ships with an all-too affordable fare rate. This newest gimmick was launched by Sulpicio as a way of "showing our appreciation for the long years of support the Filipino people has given to our company," said Alma Kapalngmukhangputanginangto, Vice-President for Marketing. "Sulpicio is indebted to the years of patronage that the Filipino people have given to our humble shipping line, we look forward to serving the public in new and deadlier--este, better ways...starting with this new and affordable trips on our newly commissioned fleet of floating coffins--este, ships pala," continues VP Kapalngmukhangputanginangto.


One of the "all-too-affordable" ships on its maiden voyage...12 minutes after setting sail from Manila Bay.

When VP Kapalngmukhangputanginangto was asked about the latest on the MV Princess of the Stars case and the aggrieved relatives of the dead passengers. VP Kapalngmukhangputanginangto eyes glistened as she said:

"Ay pakialam namin sa mga putanginang 'yan! Basta kasalanan 'yan ng PAGASA kasi hindi accurate and up-to-date ang mga bulletins nila! Siguro naman hindi mahirap para sa kanila na bigyan kami ng up-to-the-minute-every-minute na update 'noh para updated talaga kami. Atsaka kung tinawagan nila sana yung kapitan ng barko noh para aware siya kaagad na papunta na pala yung bagyo sa direksyon niya. Kasalanan din ng mga kamag-anak ng mga pasahero kasi pinapauwi nila yung mga tao na alam na nila na may darating na bagyo noh! Hellooooo! Konting common sense naman noh. Basta, wala kaming responsibilidad dyan ha? It just so happened na napasakay lang sila sa MV Princess of the Stars noh. Wrong timing talaga ang pesteng bagyong 'yan. Force Majeure people...Force Majeure nilang mga pagmumukha nila noh! Naku, makakalimutan din natin 'to after a few months noh...sino pa ba ang nakakaalala sa Doña Paz? Seeeeeee...sige, sabuyan lang namin kayo ng petals pa-epek-epek para quits na lang tayo. Oh, OK na? Appear! Wahahahahaha"

It was noted that VP Kapalngmukhangputanginangto started to turn an unnatural shade of pink while delivering her tirade. At the end of said speech, VP Kapalngmukhangputanginangto spontaneously combusted. Sulpicio promptly blamed the weather for the incident.