Tuesday, March 11, 2008


I just committed an act of murder in the boarding house.

Don't worry folks, I didn't kill a person...

my unfortunate victim was a reptile -- a grass snake to be precise.

This is NOT the actual snake. Just an image I got off the net.

The circumstances surrounding the murder, however, were more comic than horrifying.

I had just returned to my room after having dinner when I heard a call outside my door...

"Kuya Michael...Kuya Michael!"

Thinking it was the helper, Arlene, I went outside into the narrow corridor of the boarding house and I saw that it was the boarder-next-door and she was telling me that Doc (the landlady) was calling for me because:

"...may ahas daw sa kwarto niya. Magpapatulong lang ho sana..."

To myself, I was going: Now wait just a damn minute! whatever made Doctora think that I had "exterminator" or "wildlife services" in my resume. Anyway, I had to come -- I wanted to see the situation for myself and offer any assistance if I can. (which I was imagining, won't be much)

As I entered the living room of Doc's house, my landlady was visibly upset. which was not surprising. What would you feel if you discovered a snake slithering around your drawers -- IN YOUR BEDROOM!?

Unsure as to what I can do to help, nevertheless, I was guided into Doc's bedroom where the helper, Arlene, and Doc's two boys were already assembled -- looking nervously at the topmost drawer stuffed with blankets and comforters.

It took us a few minutes of prodding the insides of the drawer with billiard cue sticks, gingerly removing the blankets inside, when the intruder reared its head. And boy was the snake pissed! It was assuming the stance of any angry, cornered snake, head reared, the front of its body poised to strike...was it dangerous? yeah, it looked dangerous. does it bite? it sure intends to. Is it poisonous? the first two questions pretty much summed it up so I sure hell was trying my best to stay out of "striking range." I didn't care if it was poisonous -- I didn't want to be bitten...PERIOD.

Though the danger of the snake was eminent in the minds of those assembled...I still found humor in the nervous conversation that ensued among us snake catchers.

Me: "Unang tanong, nangangagat ba yan? Pangalawang tanong, makamandag ba yan?"

One of Doc's boys: "Baka pwede tayong gumamit ng apoy?"

Me: "Gusto mo bang masunog ang bahay niyo?"

Even Doc's guests became involved in the mess. One of them got inside, took a quick look and went outside and told Doc:

"Cobra!" (I could hear Doc squealing outside)

Me: (in a low voice) "Hindi po..." (hehehehe)

So the guy, Doc's guest, came back armed with a fishing net (which was not as sturdy as we hoped) our attempts to bag the snake were unsuccessful. The only thing left was to kill the poor beast, but he was hiding way back into the farther recesses of the drawer. The snake tried to escape through a hole but it can't fit through, so I imagine it had no choice but to fight to the death. The humane approach was now out of the question. (unless someone would risk a few bites on the arms or face. that, and the possibility of the snake being poisonous -- but I doubt it. I didn't see any fangs...)

So the guy came back with a tree branch and I got ahold of a truncheon-like weapon. (don't know what it was, but it had bright colors and was made of metal)


The guy managed to prod the snake out of the drawer where it fell into the pile of blankets underneath. I immeadiately struck with my weapon. I guess I severed the snake's spine for it's body snapped right in the middle and bone popped out -- bright red blood stained the floor of Doc's bedroom.

I was going: "yung ulo, 'asan yung ulo?" The guy was prodding the blankets and finally its head was exposed. and boy the SOB still had some life in him as he was snapping at us. We immediately struck. It took me three hits before I got his head -- more blood spurted out from the snake's squashed skull. For a cold-blooded creature, I was surprised at how RED snake's blood was...manol hehehe

After a few tense moments staring at the limp lifeless snake, (it was about two and a half feet long) we were finally convinced that it was dead. I told one of the boys to get ahold of the net while I used the cue stick to lift the dead snake and deposit it into the net.

We emerged out of the room, laughing nervously. Doc was squealing and freaking out at the sight of the dead snake. She thanked us and told us to be careful in our rooms. I told her that so far the only creatures that were bugging us were stray cats rummaging through our garbage.

But then thinking about it, it wasn't surprising that snakes manage to get ito people's homes especially in places were there are vacant lots nearby with tall grasses -- the perfect place for snakes to breed and hunt.

How about you dear reader? better check your room tonight for any stray creatures that might've found their way into your abode...check your cabinets, your drawers, underneath your bed...who knows what lurks inside those dark, cozy spaces...

You have been warned...nanakot pa ako hahaha

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